FT5: Reasons Not To Date A Musician

0703top5coverBarry: I wanna date a musician.
Rob: I wanna live with a musician. She’d write songs at home and ask me what I thought of them, and maybe even include one of our little private jokes in the liner notes.
Barry: Maybe a little picture of me in the liner notes.
Dick: Just in the background somewhere.
This is what we all think when we start to date a musician. We’ve all done it at one point in time… it’s hard not to date a musician in Austin. However, next time you’re presented with the opportunity to do so, keep this Friday’s Top Five in mind…  (And yes, I did take these quotes from “High Fidelity,” and yes I do notice the obvious connection. Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.)

ruinsongs5. They ruin all your favorite songs

Sure, it’s cute when they learn your favorite song by The Weakerthans to sing for you at the house or as an inside thing at their next show… at first. But when they start changing words here and there, maybe change the key because “it sounds better,” and they’re “making it [their] own,” it starts to grate on one’s nerves. Then when the relationship ends, as it must because they’re a rock star and they can’t be tied down to just one person, every time you hear your formerly favorite song, all you can do is think about the butchering it had to endure, and the crappy singer/songwriter you used to kiss.

gototheirshows4. You have to go to their shows

This is somewhat bearable if they are halfway decent, but factor in the other bands playing, a little too much Lonestar, and the girls/guys drooling over your special someone, and this seemingly innocuous evening has gone from lukewarm to ice cold in no time.

havetohearthemplay3. You have to hear them play

Not only are you expected to be at the shows, but you also have to hear them play at the house. This becomes more fun if they like to pick up the guitar at parties and entertain the guests with their arsenal of twenty songs. Maybe once a week isn’t so bad, but my friends have parties every night. With the same people in tow. Add the same twenty songs to that nightly fiesta, and… Well, you get the picture.

writesongsforyou2. They write songs for you

Again, maybe cute at the beginning. Usually the songs are terrible though, and after multiple attempts, you start to wonder if hearing “Beth” by KISS for the millionth time isn’t so bad after all… The other thing to keep in mind is that some of the songs they say are about you, might not be. They have dated before you. Also, depending on what type of musician you are dating, they might wait until after you’ve broken their heart to write one.

2coolforschool1. They like themselves more than they’ll ever like you

Even if they aren’t famous… Actually, especially if they aren’t famous… they are far more interested in themselves than anyone else, including you. They don’t want to hear about other local bands you like, or even famous ones, since they do it all better. They only want to hear about your life if it’ll make a great song. And of course, the band always comes first, so don’t expect them to blow off band practice just because it’s your birthday.

2 comments

  • One of my favorite FT5s yet. Well, done, boys.

  • thank you for posting this!! makes me feel a lot better about my naive self, i hate the thought of dating a musician especially after being intimate with one, who left the next day, and started a relationship with some girl a few weeks later..they’ve all got girls in every port.

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