FT5: Worst Songs About Summer

Well kids, summer is wrapping up so you know what that means. No, not time to go back to school … time to get in one last Top 5 about summer! Here at the ATH, we’ve covered all kinds of summer fun in the past few months. We released a glorious summer mixtape, songs for this summer’s World Cup, songs about heading west, songs of summer 2010 and songs about school being out for the summer. What songs about summer make your skin crawl? If you have the stomach for it, follow the jump and share in my agony.

5. Sheryl Crow – “All I Wanna Do

Look, Sheryl Crow seems nice enough and there’s basically nothing wrong with this song. It’s harmless. But what I don’t get is how this song launched a decade-long career. If it was just another one hit wonder of the 90s I’d probably be fine. But seriously, how did this song give Sheryl Crow the right to release more mediocre music? Is it a girl thing that I just don’t understand? Is this some kind of Sex & The City type thing that we don’t get? Her voice is kind of awful and her songwriting is formulaic at best. You people think The Eagles headlining ACL is bad? Sheryl Crow was the SUNDAY HEADLINER in 2004. Be thankful.

Awful lyric: “This ain’t no disco. It ain’t no country club either. This is LA!”

 
 

4. LFO – “Summer Girls

When I stumbled upon this song while searching for ideas, I wasn’t even sure “Summer Girls” was a real song. I just assumed it was some awful commercial for Abercrombie & Fitch. Then I vaguely remembered hearing it on the radio once and discovered that it was in fact a real song. I don’t even have to make fun of it. I’ll just state the facts. The band name, LFO, stands for “Lyte Funky Ones”. It consists of three caucasian “pop rappers”. The song is about, and I quote, how they “like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch”. The song hit #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100. If pop music didn’t hit rock bottom with this, I’d like to know when it does.

Awful lyric: The “Abercombie & Fitch” line wasn’t even the worse one, if you can believe it. Get a load of this: “New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick”

 
 

3. Kid Rock – “All Summer Long

So apparently someone at Atlantic Records still lets Kid Rock make “music”. And apparently Mr. Rock thought it would be a great idea to mashup Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” with Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” and do some kind of singing-rapping thing over it. I’m not even sure that Kid Rock doesn’t think this song is awful. It’s like Nickelback but worse. I also imagine that this one is on repeat at 95% of the party barges on Lake Travis. I’d like to make fun of it some more, but it’s just too easy. And sad.

Awful lyric: “And we were trying different things, we were smoking funny things”

 
 

2. Jimmy Buffett – “Margaritaville

This is the song that greets people in hell. Margaritaville takes this list to a whole new level. All Summer Long is just another horrible Kid Rock song that you probably never have to listen to. Margaritaville has somehow become a worldwide, impossible-to-ignore brand of suck. You wanna talk about selling out? A Margaritaville Restaurant actually exists. Yes, it’s a restaurant based on this gawd-awful song. There’s also Margaritaville frozen seafood, chips, salsa, chicken wings and the infamous $350 “Frozen Concoction Maker”. This song almost makes me want to hate drinking margaritas when it comes on the radio every 5 seconds. See what you’ve done, Jimmy Buffett?

Awful lyric: “But there’s booze in the blender. And soon it will render. That frozen concoction that helps me hang on”

 
 

1. John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John – “Summer Nights

KILL. IT. WITH. FIRE.

I’m convinced that this song was written as a form of torture for men around the world. As a pre-teen I went on a youth trip with my church. It was me and one other guy. And 8 girls. Sounds like every boys dream, right? Wrong. For the 18+ hours in the church van, this song was on repeat while a bunch of 14 year old girls sang along to it at the top of their lungs. Over and over and over. And when it wasn’t playing, they’d be watching the movie. Both of them. We were outnumbered and paid for it dearly. I still wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night with flashbacks to that trip. If I’m in a moving car when this song is played, I’d rather jump out than have to endure 1 note. I hate it.

Awful lyric: “Summer…” KILL IT!!!

 
 

So come on everyone, what songs about summer do you hate? Everyone has one.

5 comments

  • not “Summer Nights”…

  • “Margaritaville” would be on my list of worst songs ever.

    Not so much songs about summer really, but I hate when people immediately turn to Sublime or The Eagles when at the lake or beach. I have and forever will be anti Sublime.

  • I once attended a tailgate party for a Jimmy Buffet concert and I admit to you with no shame whatsoever it was awesome. You haven’t lived until you’ve done iceblock shots with someone old enough to be your grandmother.

    Of course, I didn’t actually attend the concert (saw a Rockets playoff game instead), but man do those Parrotheads represent. No way I’m talking smack about Jimmy Buffet. That man has crazy money. Oprah money. He probably could have me killed for just thinking bad thoughts about him.

  • My folks live in northern part of michigan, and since kid rock mentions that stupid lyric about northern michigan, people find it ok to play that song in every single social place imaginable. I’m not kidding, its everywhere. I’m pretty sure if i could go back in time i would go to the time kid rock made that song and destroy it forever. Better yet, destroy Kid Rock.

    Seriously, who the hell where’s a basketball jersey, cowboy hat, and can write a good song. NO ONE!

  • Not “all i wanna do” for sure… also because it’s not a true summer song. It’s a poem (“Fun” by Wyn Cooper) with music wrapped around it. After all the lyrics are very less sunny and upbeat than the music suggests.

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