Nothing says I run a highly successful and professional business like an award from the Austin Chronicle. Or perhaps it says I had 50 bucks to throw at the Chronicle editor in exchange for an award, I forget which one.

If Robin Hood had played his cards a bit better, he could have made a nice profit for himself on the side. Too bad he was so hung up on that whole helping the people thing. What a chump.

Why hasn’t anyone started a black market for blood? There’s one for human organs, why not blood? Is it just me, or is the black market crying out for some fresh new ideas?

Those blood banks and their… needles. It’s time someone taught them a lesson!

Has anyone actually looked at the personals section on Craigslist before? There are some creepy people on there. In fact, there were recently allegations that people were running prostitution rings by advertising on Craigslist…

Sure, there are legal ways to make a living, if you don’t mind working for the man. I’d rather find another way, however, and keep my dignity. You know, the dignity that comes from dealing drugs and gambling.

In these tough economic times, I think we’ve all given some consideration to starting our own meth labs. Oh, you haven’t you say? Well pardon me your Majesty, I didn’t mean to disturb you from your high horse of judgement!

When you’re broke, you just have to find new and creative ways to make money. When that doesn’t work, you have to sell illegal drugs to middle school kids. They were gonna try that stuff eventually, right?

There is nothing funnier than tarnishing the reputation of a perfectly legitimate organization. Now if that organization is also charitable, well my friend, then you have pure comedy gold on your hands. Yea, I know I’m going to hell for this comic, but so are you for laughing at it.