FT5: Party Ending Albums
It’s 3:30 in the morning and you’ve had your fair share of oat sodas, not to mention all that Makers Mark, yet the party at your place continues to rage all around you. That asshole that wears a scarf during the summer won’t shut up about the Decemberists and the only ladies left are dating each other, it’s time to put this party out to pasture. Follow the jump for the Top 5 albums that can clear the place out so you can get your ass to bed.
5. Repulsion – Horrified
Nothing clears out a good party like a little grind-core and if you’re going to give everybody a little taste you might as well start at the beginning. Hailing from Flint, Michigan these guys put the gore into face melting licks. Pioneers of mixing over thrash metal with lyrics about death, dying, decomposition, and dismemberment Repulsion helped define the grind-core genre. While I know I love my fair share of grind-core, most don’t dig it and it’s a sure bet to get that douchebag out the door.
4. Harvey Milk – Courtesy and Good Will Towards Men
Harvey Milk, the purveyors of sludge and experimental metal, will melt your mind and they’ll do it slowly in ten minute increments. Mixing tender moments with brutally slow sludge, Harvey Milk is sure to wrap things up at the hacienda. Anyone that likes a little slow and heavy in their metal should check this out.
3. Naked City – Grand Guignol
Thrash jazz with a member of the Boredoms, get the picture? No? It’s like grind-core with a really high intelligence quotient. Still not getting the picture? You better check out this track. Either way it’s guaranteed to annoy about ninety-five percent of the party, but the brave souls that stick around are in for some pretty amazing shit. Naked City pushed the boundaries of both thrash and Jazz.
2. John Coltrane – Om
Rumor has it that Coltrane was tripping balls when he was recording this album and while I can’t verify this, I would not be the least bit surprised. It starts out sort of coherent with some Hindu chanting then things go horribly wrong. I think Coltrane sees a demon coming for his soul in a pretty intense trip and is using his sax to cry for help. I give the rest of those people about ten minutes before hitting the door.
(a one minute clip, the whole piece is about half an hour long)
1. Lou Reed – Metal Machine Music
Even though Lou Reed defends this as legitimate, it’s widely speculated that he made this album to get out of his recording contract. While I do love the other albums on this list, even I cant defend this garbage. If you’ve heard of this album but never actually heard it, it’s basically what you think it is, one hour of feedback. I’ve included a sample from track two that sounds pretty much like tracks one, three, and four. Party’s over.
(a one minute clip)
So there it is folks… a list of albums to drive people away. While some might fall into the “difficult listen” category, I love each and every one of them like my own little deformed and crippled children. All except Metal Machine Music, that album is just a piece of crap.
Any additions?
I was thinking along the lines of albums like the Titanic Soundtrack, Creed – Human Clay or Kenny G…
but then the joke would really be on you for being in possession of those albums, and you might kill any chance of people every coming back to your parties.
Regardless, nice list.
I think anything ever written by Omar Rodriguez Lopez from Mars Volta/ATDI as solo experimental work is definitely some of the most annoying music, and sure-fire way to get people out of your ring-dunking party.
Joanna Newsom’s “Ys.” My buddy Jethro got his tooth knocked out during the 7th verse of “Emily.”
~RamJam
I too have been burned by Lou Reed’s M3.
@rayngun even worse would be Nickleback- the only band so horrible it makes us wish Creed would return
i’m glad you’ve never pulled any of those albums out on me. however, you did pull out the Flaming Lips xMas movie at 3am. i guess i’ll have to wait until next friday’s top 5 ‘party ending movies’. bastard.
You had me at oat sodas.
What the hell happened to the ATH radio player?????
@borIS:
It was the only casualty in our recent server switch. We’re hoping to work out the bugs and get it up and running soon. Stay tuned.